Catch a Good Vibe? Ride it.

Highlights

• We tend to drift toward familiar habits and behaviors that produce negative feelings.
• I need to make the connection between feeling good and carrying out internally-motivated, productive work.

Find the Link

My motivation seems to cycle like a wave.

During upswings, I’ll find myself trying new things: from spoon-whittling (what?!) to this very work, writing. I’ve noticed not only that I feel good when doing these things, but the “vibe” sticks around for a bit. And this helps to positively affecting the rest of the stuff I have to do in a day. 

Despite this obvious signal from nature/the universe – “Hey, man, you should do this thing more often!” – I tend to always drift back into baseline habits and behaviors that produce negative feelings. For example, I’ll feel tempted to waste time looking at garbage on Twitter and engaging in a pointless debate. And it makes me feel shitty.

In essence, I’ll settle back into a path laid out for me by my employer, my family, my friends – those things external to me. 

I need to better cement the connection between feeling good and carrying out internally-motivated, productive work.

Importantly, however small a task might be, that small thing is invariably something that I actively decided to do myself. It wasn’t asked of me by my boss or even by my incredible wife. For instance, I read an article. I saw a show. I was daydreaming at the window. Whatever the case may be. And thought, “I can do that. I’m going to do that.” 

And when I follow through, I feel good. 

What’s incredible is that the feeling seems to snowball into other facets of life. I’m more patient with my screaming kids, I find myself strangely enjoying small interactions with cashiers, people walking their dogs, my kid’s teacher, etc.

Why is this happening?

When you initiate an activity, you build agency. It strengthens the idea that you can control your world. Maybe it emphasizes some aspect of your identity that you value. Or, as Dr. Julian Rotter, an incredibly influential social psychologist from the mid-20th century might say, it appeals to your internal locus of control. (More on this idea to come.)

If you value being a good father, you can create this feeling by building a fort or a tree house for your kids. Or, by doing a small project, like sewing the button back onto their winter jacket. There is something to say about these things also aligning with your perceived purpose, but that too may be for another post.

For me, here is the takeaway: when we feel achievement and perhaps agency, it’s important to spend time with it. This fortifies the link in our heads. It shows us these things feel good because they give us meaning and support our agency. 

Our evolved brains then signal to us that we should do those things more often: we feel good. I drafted this post to help me remember that the universe, however subtle, will throw up signposts to guide our actions.

If this strikes a chord with you – or if there are things you think I would benefit from learning – please let me know below. Thanks for reading.